Events

Between Middle Age and Old Age:
“My Time” is Good News for Individuals and Society

The big story in the advancement of medicine and society isn’t stem cell research. It’s not organ transplants nor cloning nor test tube babies. The really big story that isn’t being told, according to health and aging expert Abigail Trafford, has to do with the impact of more people living longer and staying healthy longer.

“Americans have gained on average ten biological years in their life spans, scrambling the biological calendar,” Trafford says. “We either cover this longevity revolution as a disaster – the ‘crisis’ in Medicare or the Social Security ‘debacle’ – or coverage focuses on denial. Every day, we see articles telling us, ‘ If you do these exercises, take this pill, have these procedures… you’ll never grow older than 35!’”

While the doomsayers raise alarms, Trafford envisions a renaissance, the emergence of a new stage in human development that can transform individuals and communities. Trafford offered her view of this social revolution in her keynote address for “My Time: Finding Purpose and Pleasure in the Bonus Decades,” an October 7 community forum in Grand Rapids attended by more than 200 people.

For years, Trafford has been chronicling the lives of people in their “bonus years.” This new stage in the life cycle is so uncharted it remains unnamed, she says. She calls it “my time,” the period between middle age and old age when people shed the duties of parenting, jobs, and the expectations and roles of traditional adulthood and begin to focus on reaching out to others, on leaving something behind, creating a legacy.

“My time years are growth years, development years and change years,” Trafford says. “It’s a time of gearing up, of regeneration – not decline and retirement.” And that’s the big story she wants to tell.

Getting from the traditional adult stage of life to “my time” isn’t for the faint of heart. Trafford describes the “jolts to the system” people experience in these years: physical changes, from creaking knees to major illnesses; loss of status in the workplace and society; burnout; changes in relationships; and the deaths of family members and friends.

“My Time”: Breaking Away, Creating a Legacy

In some ways, the transition to “my time” mirrors the dynamics of adolescence, Trafford says. Just as teens are breaking away from their childhood and entering adulthood, people in their “bonus years” need to break away from their roles in traditional adulthood to experience the potential of this new stage. Both teens and my-timers experience dramatic changes in their bodies, emotions, and social status. They also share common issues like the search for identity and an exploration of intimacy.

“Teens arrive at physical empowerment, while my-timers arrive at life empowerment,” Trafford says. Both need to take time to dream about what they might become, to try on different possibilities, take risks and change their minds. Education plays a key role in this stage for both groups.

Galvanized by their losses, “my-timers can find a kind of liberation in these huge changes, moving into the future without fear, with new energy and an urgent sense of purpose. “There’s a paradox here,” Trafford says. “Though the odds are you will live for decades, it could all end tomorrow. You make peace with mortality, but postponement is no longer an option. There’s a sense of urgency…if not now, when?”

My-timers evolve in many different directions, but share two common themes: they have a strong sense of purpose to their lives and a drive to leave a legacy. They move from a middle-age identity based on what they do – in their jobs, professions, and social roles – to an identity based on what legacy they will leave to their families and communities.

Ten Tips for Responding to A Social Revolution

Based on her research and interviews with people who have regenerated during their 50s, 60s, and 70s, Trafford offers a few suggestions:

• Look forward. Fight the social stereotype of the inevitability of decline with age. See “my-time” as a chance to reinvent yourself – and, by your example, pass along to others the message that this is a stage in life to look forward to.
• Change the language. Eliminate the word, “retire”: my-timers might not be working at the same place they spent their adult careers, but they’re working at something new. Avoid the word, “senior”: my-timers don’t identify themselves as seniors. Stop using the adverb, “still” when speaking about my-timers: “Mrs. Jones is 95 and still goes to the post office” implies that it’s shocking that anyone her age can walk. Stop applying the word “aging” only to people over 50: we say that children develop, but adults age.
• Plan beyond the money. When planning for the bonus years, consider what you want to do, where you want to live, and the whole scope of your vision for the future. The financial planning will follow; when you know what the big picture is, you’ll know how much
• Start dreaming. Dreaming can be difficult for my-timers: in adulthood, they succeeded by staying on track, not being distracted. But my-timers can look back and consider dreams they deferred, false starts, unfinished business. Lifelong learning opportunities can be key to helping my-timers “loosen up enough to dream again,” Trafford says.
• Reframe the notion of work. For some my-timers, work is simply meaningful activity, activity that gives them a sense of purpose. When it comes to paid jobs, my-timer issues have to do with control of time and autonomy. “Why don’t we let people work in 10-hour units instead of 40-hour units?” to help meet some of the time control issues, Trafford asks. Why not offer episodic employment? These issues will require changes in corporate America and the relationship between employer and employee, Trafford says.
• Give back. “My time” is essentially a generative stage in life, a time to leverage life experience to help others. Trafford cited the example of the couple in their 60s who bought an RV and traveled around the country. After awhile, they tired of this aimless travel and decided to volunteer to help out communities impacted by the flooding of the Mississippi River. This experience led to the formation of the “Caravaners”, more than 1,000 people who live in recreational vehicles and travel the country building houses for Habitat for Humanity.
• Redefine the family. The four-generation family is now the norm, which means that we have two really robust generations to take care of growing children and frail elders. Thanks to the bonus decades, the family’s never been better supported.
• Watch out for depression. Depression is a real issue in the 50s, 60s, and 70s – but is often overlooked. Watch out when the big job ends, when dramatic changes occur in the lives of my-timers. Too often, we dismiss people’s depression as just part of the natural aging process. My-timers need to take care of themselves and let people know when they need help.
• Love is everything. The “my time” years are really about loving and having a social network. This can mean a renaissance in a partner relationship – or difficulties if the partners are on different timetables in the life stage. Some my- timers seek to revitalize old friendships. Regardless of the exact nature of the relationships, creating a “web of kinship” is critical.
• Place this social revolution on the political agenda. While we certainly need to find ways as a society to meet the needs of the increasing population of frail elders, we also must offer pathways for those in the bonus decades to help solve social problems. This might involve a initiating a peace corps or national service opportunities for those over 50, leveraging the talents of my-timers in non-profit organizations, and opening up opportunities for my-timers throughout our social institutions.

To fulfill the potential of the “my time” generation, Trafford concludes, it’s time to fight ageism and shift from focusing on mortality to a bonus years mentality. “We are all pioneers and revolutionaries; we’ll set the stage for generations to follow. We need to give people something to look forward to. That’s my message.”

Abigail Trafford can be reached at .

The 2005 Community Forum was sponsored by the Advocates for Senior Issues, the Area Agency on Aging of Western Michigan, and the Grand Rapids Community Foundation on behalf of the Creating Community for a Lifetime initiative.